HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE YOUR ANXIETY?

HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE YOUR ANXIETY?

How much do you hate your anxiety?
How much,
when it’s so heavy that it makes your shoulders tense up?
How much,
when you don’t feel safe in your own body, or at peace in your own mind?
How much,
when it makes your throat tighten up and your morale crumble down?

When your legs are so shaky you can’t walk a straight line,
when you’re so stressed you cannot stand still,
or so exhausted you cannot stand up?

When you start sweating without warning,
Or when you get cold chills and your fingers become numb?
Or when you do every medical check-up possible, and no one seems able to tell you what is wrong?

How much,
when you wake up in the morning so nauseous that you can’t even get out of bed,
or when you can’t fall asleep at night, because you feel like you’re in a spinning roller coaster?

When you’re ashamed of going for lunch with a friend, because you’re afraid he’ll notice how much your hands are shaking?
When you’re terrified of being home alone, but going outside sounds even scarier?

When you can’t explain what you feel to your family,
and you’re embarrassed to admit why you don’t want to go out,
or eat,
or drink alcohol,
or smoke weed,
or go to the gym,
or to the mall,
or drive,
or get on a plane.

It’s so fucking exhausting, isn’t it?
So tell me, how much do you hate it?
Come on, 1 to 10, give me a number.


Well, I have news for you. If your answer was anywhere above 5, you’re on the wrong path.
As long as you hate it, it’s not going away.
You’re confused:
how can I NOT hate it, you ask, when we’ve just agreed on how debilitating, and frustrating, and hard it can be?

Truth is, you not only have to not hate it, you need to learn to love it.

Appreciate it, thank God for it.

It sounds contradictory and unnatural, I know, to be grateful for something that can make you feel so miserable. However, it’s in that audacity that lies the key to regaining control over your life.

Once you accept your anxiety, and start seeing it as something to be thankful for, something that makes you better, then you stop fearing it. Once you stop fearing it, you stop feeding it.

Anxiety is nothing but fear and insecurity. Anticipation and pessimism.

If you face it head on, face to face, and tell it confidently and proudly that you’re not afraid, then it loses its purpose, and goes away. Then it cannot get to you anymore.
Even if it does come, you can deal with it – it’s not going to ruin your morning,
or your day,
or your life.

It’s not going to keep you from doing whatever it is you need to do,
or getting wherever it is you need to get.

But how can you not fear it?
By understanding that even if it makes you feel miserable, something good can come out of it.

It teaches you resilience,
and compassion,
and empathy;

The importance of balance,
of quietness,
of awareness.

Of letting go and letting be,
of acceptance and confidence,
of talking and trusting.

You should be thankful for it, because it is an opportunity masked as an obstacle.

An opportunity to learn,
to grow,
to understand.
To unleash your strength,
to reach higher ground.

It teaches you by contrast.

Contrast between you and others (who seem to have it so easy).
Contrast between your inside and your outside,
between what you feel and what others see.
Contrast between who you want to be and who you think you are,
between who you used to be and who you’ve become.

How can you appreciate the view, if you’ve never been locked inside?
How can you rest, if you never got tired?
How can you seize the day, if you never endured the night?

 

Make sure you add food for thought in the comment section.

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MARTA EGÍDIO

Fascinated by humans, the moon, and the unknown. Energized by upbeat music, warm tea, and meaningful conversations. Crazy about the sound of the piano, the smell of the ocean, and the taste of dark chocolate. Eternal student, dedicated friend, and aspirant writer. Seeking Truth, Freedom, and Justice. On a quest to find the best version of myself, and empowering others to do the same along the way.

LISBON, PORTUGAL

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